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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Boss

The moon was high in the sky, shrouded by misty clouds. injustice had earlier desc discontinueed bid a big blanket. The night seam was laden with the imminent hatching of nearthing ominous. The swirling wind picked up slightly loose dirt and scattered it wholly over the street.

Under a street lamp, stood a mysterious man clad in a black tuxedo with a suitcase in one hand, a cigarette in another. The overall embody colour blended exceptionally hygienic with the gloomy surrounding.

Minutes and seconds ticked by, and on that point were still no sign of any changes. Only the danceable chirping of crickets and the rustling of the leaves could be heard.

Dang! Dang! the town clock chimed. It was already cardinal in the morning. Obviously, the man was there for an unusual purpose.

From the distance, faintly scarcely surely, the tapping sound of footstep were increasingly audible and a blanch silhouette of a figure could be seen walking impending e rattling moment.

The man seemed to aware of the figures presence heretofore without even surveying the surrounding, apparently expecting his arrival. The figure stopped. He kneeled down, paying watch over to his superior.

You are late,

Sorry, boss,

Is the job done?

Boss, we chase after him through the path and cornered him. We almost got him, but he...

Dont beat around the bush. Did you travel him?

No boss, but...

A gunshot shattered the silence of the night. The figure in never did manage to finish his sentence.

This is an exemplary contemporary prose, but too short for the making.


I like the descriptions such as The overall body colour blended exceptionally well with the gloomy surrounding and The figure stopped. He kneeled down, paying compliance to his superior.


This reflects reality in brio a few decades ago. The blue who wore tuxedos had were superior as seen from the kneeling of his supposed hitman.


The prose also reflects that life back then was sometimes taken for granted. It also reflects that the police was unjustified.


We also speculate what happened eventually. Was the gunshot from the man macrocosm chased? If it was, would the man in tuxedo die? The drug abuse of techniques, which Roald cajan pea uses as well, reflects that this writer has great potential.

I feel that the author of this test was trying entirely too hard to write like someone else. His or her es label was too forgey, the premise was very basic. I wish I knew the grade level on this peice because I may not be so unsmooth if this were a sixth grade peice, but high naturalise or college level... oh no..

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Obviously, the man was there for an unusual purpose.

this line is excessive, and largely speaking the essay is too wordy, try thinking of a narrative from a noir film, better match. also dang isnt really very discriptive of a old clock tower bell, nor is it a word thought of as a sound. not the way say dong or ding are.

but anyhow, with a meagrely more mainstream style, the piece could be short and sweet, after all theres little else to say.

I actually liked it... and the twist at the end when the follower was shot by the boss... that was cool! Youve done a good job and I cant wait to read some of your other essays.

Nicely written and very descriptive. I would hesitate to use so many show them type of sentances however.


Obviously, the man was there for an unusual purpose.


It is 2am, a reader can already discover that the mans presence is not for legitimate activity. Perhaps revise this sentance to something like....Dang! Dang!

The hour of two clanged through the darkness, falling onto the empty streets down the stairs where the man stood, waiting.


This (IMHO) adds to the gloom and anticipatory feeling that youve already perplex up and at the same time gives the reader a reference point of time and activity to come without being obvious in the telling.

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